Since I was ill on Monday, I was given a pass by my wonderful wife and agreed to write for Thursday. Enjoy!!
Like most men, I would like to think that I am as manly as they come. Sure we may slip at times and let the macho attitude go, but when we do, usually one of our buddies is there to collect our Man Card. Here are a few things a guy would (probably) never admit too:
Reading Women’s Magazines –
So you’re at your buddy’s house watching a game and have to use the bathroom. You go to the bathroom for a while and there’s nothing to read but a few copies of Cosmo, Vogue and Elle lying around. Sure the cover may look appealing but when you get out you won’t start talking about the great article on moisturizers you read in Cosmo, you simply say, “Sorry, I was answering e-mails on my blackberry. What’d I miss?” Just be sure you don’t tell him the score you got on the quiz you just took.
There are only a few times when this is appropriate: 1. A death in the family 2. Getting hit in the family jewels 3. Losing in the finals of your fantasy football league. All other times will be followed by excuses. If you notice your man tearing up at a sad or sappy movie, it’s probably because he just scratched his eye or was cutting up an onion when he went to get a drink.
Watching “Chick Flicks” or Shows -
You never hear a man talking about what was on Oprah the day before or how sexy Jacob looks with his shirt off in Twilight (OMG I know, right). Nope it’s ESPN or the Discovery channel. It’s that simple.
Acknowledging another Guys Looks -
Women do this all the time to other women. Judging on looks or the way they act. You get two men together and its talk about sports, cars, hunting etc. But the same two men will walk around a YMCA buck naked and not care or point out flaws in the other man. Also, if you point out another man to yours and ask if you think he’s cute, you’ll probably get an answer such as 1. I didn’t even notice or 2. Who cares.
Being Lost –
It doesn’t matter where you have to drive to, a man will never be lost. He can use the sun to navigate during the day and the stars at night. Who needs a GPS; those things are wrong most of the time anyway.
This would be regular maintenance because no one wants a man to take his shirt off, just to look at his sweet sweater vest underneath. Sorry, but you can use your imagination about the rest. He has to keep himself looking and feeling good about himself. See below.
Flexing in Front of the Mirror –
After a session of ManScaping and a nice hot shower using his loofah and body wash, it’s time for a little gun show. He has to make sure the Biceps and Triceps are in good working order, but walking in on the “Arnold Schwarzenegger Classic”, you’ll probably just hear him say he was just stretching his arms.
Drinking “Girlie Drinks” –
No two ways about it, a man wants beer or whiskey. If he were sitting next to Chuck Norris, what do you think he would order? No, Appletini’s, Mojito’s or Cosmo’s happening here, its beer or whiskey.
Well bottoms up!!! Lets have a drink!!
Chocolate Kiss Martini
¾ oz Godiva Chocolate Liqueur
¾ oz Pallini Raspicello
Pour liquid ingredients into shaker filled with ice, shake, strain into Martini glass. Drop in Hershey's kiss and serve. (For added flair, ahead of time dip rims of chilled martini glasses into melted bittersweet chocolate and chill until set.) Add a strawberry or Raspberry for garnish.