A birthday wish and a moment of self realization!

I want to start off by telling everyone that my brother Shane is celebrating his birthday today! I called and wished him a happy birthday and he sounded like I was not the first person to do so. I cannot tell you the amount of quality Mandays I would have missed out on if I didn’t have Shane as a brother. We have spent many days out having some good clean wholesome fun, some of which I have chronicled in previous blogs. 
I never really took the time to think about how important, and how big of a part of my life my little brother occupied until my wife asked me if I was ready for another child. My knee jerk reaction was “I don’t think that I will ever be ready for another one.” We talked about the complications of her pregnancy and how I didn’t know that I had diabetes, let alone that it was way out of control. Then she brought up the stress that we had to endure because we were building a new house and trying to sell our old one in the first few months of our son’s life.  This reinforced the hardships that I had to deal with during the pregnancy, labor and months to follow; as much as I tried to suppress them deep into my subconscious I still have vibrant memories of this trying time in my life.
Our talk continued and then she asked me what I would do with out Shane, my brother and partner in crime. It really made me think that I don’t know what I would do if I was an only child. I have such fond memories of my life with a brother. I couldn’t greedily steal away my son’s chances to have a wild eyed sidekick of his own just because I am scared to death about not being a great dad; or if I will fall short at being a husband.
I am now not totally against the idea. However, I do acknowledge that I am mentally unprepared to be a father of a new born and a 5 year old. I mean I can’t wrap my head around the concept. I need to get prepared and come to terms with my inadequacies before I can press on any further with this notion. Any help from my readers would greatly be appreciated. Let me know how you guys have dealt with this issue of multiple children and how the addition of a second child changed your life or your mind. Have a great day be safe and Happy Birthday Shane.  ~Barry


Mama "B" said...

Barry you are a wonderful brother,and a wonderful father. 5 if a great spread between sibilings,look at your mother and her sisters. Look at you and Shane. There is no time like the present. You have a great wife and friend. Take a deep breath and learn not to sweat the small stuff and enjoy it all. Take each day one day at a time. Great Blog! Love U

Brooke said...

I agree with Mama B. You are an amazing father already and like a brother to me. Sure it's the best thing ever to have 3 wonderful cousins as "brothers and sisters", but what I wouldn't give to have a partner in crime that I could have been around 24/7 to make some sibling memories with ya know? Deep breath in, deep breath out. You have so much love and support that we will be behind ya no matter what you decide :) Love you, loved the blog, and the pics!! Happy Birthday to Shane :)